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real life post coming...

I've been blogging more lately, mostly about Godly things.  Tonight's post isn't really my thoughts on what God has for me. It's just a real life thing.. I guess.

There's a lot of addiction in this world, addition to drugs, alcohol, porn, social media... The list can probably go on and on and on, I won't attempt to name them all.  Over the course of my thirty something years of life, I've known and know more than my fair share of addicts (see list above). While I've never had a real addiction per se, for many years I drank too much alcohol.
It was a time in my life where I rebelled from the life I should have been leading and took a crowded road on a path to hell! I've come a long way since then and I no longer drink or smoke or party and my life has changed entirely.  I don't even know that person anymore.

circa 2010

I have several friends who aren't as lucky. Several friends who are stuck on that road to hell and whether they just don't want to figure out how to get off the road or they just.don't.care. It genuinely just breaks my heart, because well ... I love them all. Each their own way and for different reasons and at different times of my life, but it doesn't change the love. They hold a special place in my heart and I just hate to know they're battling something to dark and evil.  My brother in law is addicted to heroin and well he's been in and out of jail and rehabs and just back and forth and on and off and he just can't shake it.  I've recently found out that the brother of one of the men at church is also battling addiction, he has a small child and a large family that loves him and recently found out he has cancer as well.  It's a real mess.  But just yesterday I read a news report about a group who was arrested in our county. I saw it on a friends social media and she'd tagged a friend, she knew one of the people.  Being nosy that I am, sometimes, I clicked it and read through it and low and behold I knew two of them as well.  My heart broke a little, because I'd always cared about one of them and though I'd never met the other, they were in a relationship so naturally I cared for them as well.  Well I sent it to my friend and we chatted about it and talked about the disappointment of it and well that was really it.  Tonight I couldn't shake the feeling that I just had to contact my friend. So I sent a message on social media, a kind message but in this message it contained my feelings toward the situation. Kindly of course. Telling this person that what had happened sucked and that they were better than that and that I'd pray for the situation.  I was shocked to get a reply. I didn't expect to hear anything from them honestly.  We had a very good conversation and I come out of it knowing about three things.

1. my friend isn't addicted to hard drugs
2. I got up on my soap box with this person and told them how I felt, because I genuinely care about them. I've always cared about them. I care about a lot of people and addiction is a real thing and it's terrible and horrible and it's hard and I was scared.  But I did it, I said what I thought and I told them I cared and that I would pray for them.
3. I don't make enough contact with others on their addiction.  The ones that I'm closest to and related by marriage to I don't say enough to them. I try to encourage but after this conversation I see that it just may not be enough and that maybe it's doing more harm by not just saying how I feel about the whole thing.

It's really got me to thinking... I think  it's time to make some changes in the things I say and how I say them, because some people need the words and they're not hearing them.

Just like the world needs the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ and there aren't enough people willing to do it. 

I'm going to show the love of Christ and share the love of Christ. 

making new friends, i hope

I had the most amazing, encouraging conversations with a stranger yesterday. I say "stranger" because while we were talking, she was a stranger. I'd never met her before, though I had heard her husband speak before. Luckily my remembering her husband and my misunderstanding that he was on the missions field is what started the conversation. I'm not normally the one to strike up a conversation with someone I don't know but I was curious.  I'm so glad I did!

We chatted and laughed and talked about the mission trips that her husband goes on and things of that nature.  I mentioned how I really wanted to go on one of those trips but couldn't figure it out while having 4 children. Her words of encouragement and later her and her husbands words really pulled on my heart strings.

Yall pray for me, join me in prayer. I'm really doing a lot of soul searching and trying to determine His will for me.  I want to live this life for Him, because He gave it all for me.

Prayers with you all
-MB

In over my head

"I have come to this place in my life

I’m full but I’ve not satisfied

This longing to have more of you

I can feel it my heart is convinced

I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched

You already know this but still

Come and do whatever You want to 

I’m standing knee deep but I’m where I’ve never been

I feel you coming and I hear Your voice on the wind

Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in

Let love come teach me who You are again

Take me back to the place where my heart was only about you

And all wanted was just to be with you

Come and do whatever you want to

Further and further my heart moves away from the shore

Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

Further and further my heart moves away from the shore

Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours 

Then you crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free

I’m going under I’m in over my head

And you crash over me and I’m where you want me to be

I’m going under, Im in over my head

Whether I sink, whether I swim

It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head

I’m beautifully in over my head

I’m beautifully in over my head"

In over my head (crash over me) Bethel Music 

This is the song I'm currently working on, it really speaks to me and it's really pretty much exactly how I feel.

-MB

Pastoral Theology, eh

(photo credit)

Good evening again friends,

Tonight was a successful ladies fellowship dinner at a local restaurant. I say successful because well last month only 3 of us showed up and tonight we  had seven. So, pretty amazing for my standards as I am not very interesting.  It was a lot of fun and I'm so glad it's taking off.

So I'm taking some new courses, in Pastoral theology and also church administration. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, but a part of something weighing on my heart lately has a little to do with this. 

Pastoring... Now I'm no expert and I'm sure I fall short of all of the required criteria to be a pastor. I mean can women even be pastors? Biblically, I mean.  That aside..  I can't say I'm feeling a call to pastor.. but it's definitely something.  I'm feeling confused. 

I know I'll continue to pray about it I talk to God about it before I blog about it, but I thought I'd share anyway. 

Continue to lift me in your prayers, as well as the family who has lost their loved one.  I'm praying for you as well. Please leave me a message, how can I include  you in my prayers? 

Mondays thoughts

It's with a saddened heart that I make mention one of the men from church has passed away this morning.  Heaven got  a lot cooler when he arrived and I know it was an homecoming celebration for sure. My heart hurts for his sweet family, I love them all so much but I don't tell them often enough.

Please join me in praying for their family, it's never easy to say good bye to those we love. Even when there is peace knowing where they are, there always seems to be a void where they use to be. 

I'm excited and curious and praying dutifully at a recent tug I have. I haven't told anyone yet, so perhaps here isn't the right location to bring that information out.  haha..  But I feel like God is tugging on my and His tug is stronger when I'm reading, studying and trying to hear Him.

Be blessed yall bloggers and tell me what's on your mind this week?

How can I include you in my prayers?

_MB

He loves us

photo credit

Good morning Blogging friends, it's Friday thank goodness. The children went back to school (Kindergarten and 9th grade) yesterday.  Needless to say it's always an adjustment to get everyone back on page when we have long breaks like that.  I was happy for the holiday and the break though.  I still take them to school because well, he's in kindergarten and well .. I'm that parent. 

So I've been reading and praying and just trying to make myself available for God to speak to me.  Giving myself the time and the stillness  to discern His will for my life. If you read my previous blog you noticed my feelings of being forgotten and lost. 

An update to that is that I'm feeling better. God has really been showing me some things and I praise His name for that, because we all know how it feels to feel lost and unlovable. 

But today's post, it will be short I promise. I mentioned that I've been reading more since the last post. I actually stumbled upon a book I'd purchased a while back because I saw it somewhere online and it looked good. So I found it on my shelf and last night as I'm working on my work stuff I decided I'd pull it out, blow the dust off and really get into reading. It worked!  I read half of the book in one night, while my late night kid watched kitten videos on youtube kids.  I tell ya, if this kid naps he doesn't like going to bed, but avoiding napping is hard because well... we still have to venture out to pick the kids up in the afternoon. 

Back to what I was saying, I power read through the book, loving it and not wanting to put it down. I caught myself crying at her stories of sadness and crying tears of joy as she and her children approached a man in the cafe and asked him if he knew Jesus. 

But the most profound, thought provoking point she made in the early chapters of her book was a reference to Adam & Eve.  We all know the story, Adam and Eve the first man and woman.  They lived in the garden of Eden with God. Adam and Eve were free to do what they wanted but their only command was not to eat from a certain tree. We're aware that it didn't work out that way and sin entered the picture and they ate of the tree.  Now here's where I always believed that because they disobeyed God was angry and made them leave the garden. Their lives would be hard, women would suffer child birth, they would have to work hard and that they would die.  But last night in her book, she said something else.  That God loved Adam and Eve so much that he made them leave the garden, because the garden contained the tree of life.  The tree of life would have them live forever, but because of their sin they were apart from God. God loved them so much that he'd have to leave Him because His plan was to send His Son to save the world.

I thought this was a really neat perspective on the subject of Adam and Eve and their sin. This isn't to imply that God is OK with sin, but that He loves us.  Sin is forgivable, but we must first repent of it. 

What are your thoughts?

ps. I've decided to put a hold on my bachelors degree in order to devote more time to the One who really deserves it.  I've neglected that in my desires to further my education.  He's really speaking to me lately.

When's the last time you heard God's voice in the darkness?